Encased
by McCoyMedical
Summary: There was nothing he could do. He was just another part of their experiments, of their research. He was Subject XVII. Part 2 of The Trails We Face (Trial I)
1. Left Behind or Stolen?

_This is his life now.  
Or is it?_

* * *

_I can't let you go._

_You have to._

_No, I don't._

_Please._

_I don't care what happens._

_I can't let all of you die._

_It's not your fault._

_It is if I could've stopped it._

_Please don't._

_It's okay._

_Don't leave…please._

_Take care of each other._

That was five months ago today. Leonard McCoy looked out upon the land of his new "home." The nearly barren land, save for some plant life, stretched out for miles across the planet. Leonard wouldn't say he hated it here, he was treated kindly by the servants who took care of him (despite his protests about having servants at all) and the citizens were welcoming when he would walk the grounds. He looked down upon the village. It was laced with small houses built from the sturdy rock of the land and a little beyond that were cottages, those were the markets. That's where he spent most of his time.

This planet was called Keiuuk

The race here is mostly humanoid, which Leonard was happy about. He wasn't sure if he could spend the rest of his days living with ten foot tall lizard, bug aliens or something of the like. Of course, they had their distinct characteristics. Their skin was a peachy hue with a hint of purple. Their hair was a range of many hues of brown. Their ears were large; they reminded Leonard of bat ears, due to their acute sense of hearing. The top of their arms up to the shoulders were blotched with blue dots ranging from all shapes and sizes and continued down their back, up their necks and onto their cheeks. Their jaw lines a bit more angular then humans and their teeth a bit sharper. And each and every one of them had these piercing orange eyes.

They were called the Kei.

Another lucky thing for Leonard is they know English. Of course they have their own language, which Leonard has been studying hard ever since he got here.

Leonard sighed and pushed off the balcony he was lean on. He needed to get out. The bracelets on his wrist jingled as he grabbed his cloak and threw it over his shoulders to cover his bare back. It was a custom here to have your back exposed, Leonard has been unclear as to why yet. He just went with it, the question never arising. He needed to get out of the, he cringed whenever he thought about it, palace.

He was greeted as he walked along the hall with 'my lord' and 'sire,' something he will never grow accustom to here. The guards at the main exit have long since tried to convince him to have one accompany him into the village. They simply bowed and let him go. He walked along the outskirts of the village to the one place he could be a peace. To the river. It was the only source of water around here that the Kei used for their crops. The Kei had developed something similar to a plumbing system that allowed the water to run into the village, and of course to the palace. So running water was nice. They were advance in a few areas, but decades behind anything Earth had. Leonard missed the technology but he was surprised at how fast he adapted.

He didn't want to, but he had to.

Held lay down on the dust ground with his hands behind his head. It wasn't long until he heard footsteps approaching.

"My lord?" a soft voice said. Leonard sat up and turned to see Loknar, one of his servants. He was young boy with hair down to his shoulders which was pulled back. He looked nervous. "His majesty demands your presents."

_Demands_, Leonard thought. That wasn't good. If his _majesty _wanted to see him it was usually a request or a wish, but a demand. That meant he was angry.

Leonard sighed as he stood up. Loknar watched him, his orange eyes filled with what Leonard was sure was fear.

"Hey," he placed a hand on the boy, "It'll be okay."

The boys frown deepened. "I hope so my lord. For his majesty was quite…angered."

When he arrived back at the palace, Loknar lead him to the main hall. The guards and servants were standing outside the door when they arrived.

"Oh, my lord," an older Kei, Lumina approached him. She was a few years older than him and she was one of his closest servants.

"What's going on?" Leonard asked but he had a feeling he knew exactly why his majesty was raging.

"I delivered the news and, as you can see…"

"Damn, and here I thought the tenth time would do the trick."

"Sire, this is no time for your jokes."

"I know." He took off his cloak and handed it to Loknar. "Don't want him tearing up another one."

He placed a hand on the door.

"Leonard." He stopped, but didn't turn. "Please be careful."

He said to Lumina nothing as he pushed the door open.

The hall was a mess. Debris littered the floor with what were once tables and chairs. Leonard looked up to where he and Kan'dar sat whenever events took place in the main hall. He eyes met the blue speckled back of the man who stole him. Trapped him and forced this life upon him. Leonard slowly approached him, watching his step as his bare feet tried to avoid the splintering wood. The worst of his anger seemed to have passed.

"And when Leonard?" Kan'dar says in his deep voice. "How many times must we go through this?"

"You're the one that makes a scene."

Kan'dar whipped around so fast Leonard wonder if he would have whiplash. "Watch your tongue."

Leonard kept his eyes locked with Kan'dar. To break eye contact was a sign of weakness among these people Leonard has learned. He wasn't going to give Kan'dar the satisfaction. Kan'dar made his way over to him, stepping right on the broken wood. Kei skin was much stronger than a human's. As he got closer Leonard couldn't help but feel his heart begin to race. Kan'dar stopped in front of Leonard, their eyes never breaking apart. He stood a good 2 feet taller than Leonard.

"Oh Leonard," he placed a hand upon Leonard's cheek. "Do not be afraid. Tonight we will try again and soon you will bear my heir."

_His heir._

Leonard's eyes fluttered for a second. Kan'dar did not miss it.

"You do not wish to."

"It's just," Leonard looked away. _Damn. _

Kan'dar's gave him no chance. "You will accompany me tonight in our quarters."

"Yes, of course."

He placed a firm grip on Leonard's shoulders. "Good, now send some servants to clean up this mess."

With that Kan'dar turned and left. Leonard could see the servants and guards scrambling out of the way to look busy. He sighed and followed but stopped by the small group.

"You are unharmed Sire?" a guard asked.

"I'm fine," he said as he watched Kan'dar until he turned a corner and was out of site. "Send a few servants from the grounds to clean this mess, get them out of the hot sun for a while."

Yes Sire's were said as he began to walk away, Loknar and Lumina trailing behind him. He went into his quarters and took a seat on his bed. Lumina muttered something to Loknar and the boy departed.

"You know Sire," she began as she followed his cloak and placed it on a chair by his desk. "Perhaps if you paid a visit to the Care they could help. They have developed a few remedies that have helped a few of our females conceive."

"I don't want it."

Lumina watched Leonard carefully. She took a seat next to him on the bed, taking his hand in hers. "It will all be alright."

"I don't want to have a child just for it to be taken away. Shit it feels like I've been pregnant anyway, been getting pains. Tests all come back negative though."

"Tell me Leonard, how is it that you can bear a child? For in all that I have heard it is the female humans who are the child bearers."

"I'm a special case. Cells got all messed up, entered the world as a freak. I never had to deal with it until I landed here."

"You are not a freak, you are you. That is all that is important."

Leonard gave Lumina a tight smile, his eyes shined with unshed tears. "I don't want to do it anymore. I just want to go home."

She squeezed his hands and they sat in silence.

* * *

Leonard looked at himself in the mirror. Kei attire was simple and revealing. Leonard had learned exposure of one's body showed power. The less upper body wear, the higher the position. Kan'dar, of course, wore no clothes above his waist. He was their king, their majesty. As for Leonard, he wore a sleeve and pants. The sandy colored left sleeve came down a little past his elbow, at the shoulder there were three straps that buckled across his upper chest and back. He wore a pair of dusty colored pants that stopped just below the knee. That was his outfit, minus the bracelets and sapphire pendant which represented his royalty. And of course, his Academy ring.

"I'm a fucking queen," he muttered. Leonard's convinced his skin has become permanently tanned. "Maybe I'll die of skin cancer."

There was a knock at his door.

"Yeah?"

Loknar entered. "His Majesty is ready for you my lord."

Leonard bit back something sarcastic remark and simply said, "Thank you, dismissed."

Loknar nodded and left.

Leonard took one last look at himself, before he shivered and flexed his right hand. He sometimes got the sensation it was wet, when it really wasn't. He nodded it off as a psychological case. Nervousness, anxiety, whatever. He sighed and headed to the quarters he shared with Kan'dar.

He missed Jim. The Enterprise. Hell, even the pointy eared hobgoblin.

Uhura, Chekov, Sulu, Scotty.

He missed them all.

His family.

He stopped in the middle of the hall and took a deep breath.

When Leonard arrived it was the usual routine. Kan'dar greeted him, then ushered him to the bed.

And dominated.

Leonard was grateful for the running hot water. He always felt dirty after lying with Kan'dar and he was desperate to just burn his skin off. He soaked in the water for about an hour before he felt well enough to stand. His body ached and he wanted nothing but to lay down all day.

Surprisingly he got his wish.

_Drowning._

_He was drowning._

_And he was trapped._

Leonard woke with a start, gasping for breath, covered in sweat. That wasn't the first time he had that dream. It was always the same. He could never see anything; he was just underwater and unable to move anywhere. He pulled his arm over his eyes.

"I'm losing it."

Leonard wasn't sure how much longer he could last here. He felt a stab of pain in his stomach as he curled over onto his side and let out a groan. There was a sudden hand on his forehead and he opened his eyes to see Lumina there.

"You're running a fever."

Leonard let out another groan and tried to get up.

"No, no, rest. I sent Loknar to get supplies from the Care."

Leonard nodded weakly and drifted off to sleep again.

To drown again.


	2. His Spiral Downwards

Leonard's plot is the main focus of the story  
However, I'll be posting very short - short chapters about what's happening on Jim and the crew's end  
I know I can take a while to upload so I felt I'll give you guys snippets to hold you over if I feel I'm taking really long with a chapter

* * *

_Jim is falling. _  
_But his family stays with him._

* * *

Having the Enterprise leave orbit of this unnamed planet was beyond possible. Jim wouldn't give in.

Four months.

Three months they searched before Pike personally flew out to them to relieve Jim of duty. Spock was doing his best, but even he couldn't control Jim during this time.

It took a month for the Enterprise to return to Earth.

It was ordered for the entire crew of the Enterprise to be Earthbound until things got "sorted out."

That was two months ago.

"Grab his arm," Sulu told Uhura. She did her best to lift the dead weight of her Captain.

The bar music was loud and obnoxious as Sulu and Uhura lugged Jim out of the near empty bar at four in the morning.

This was how things were now. The crew of the Enterprise had to make sure the Captain didn't kill himself. Whether that is from alcohol poisoning or choking on his own vomit, people pondered.

They dropped him on his bed located in the Federation Building the crew currently inhabited.

"Thanks, I'll watch him tonight." Sulu said as he started to take Jim's boots off.

"We can't keep doing this."

"It's the only thing we can do."

Uhura waited before whispering, "He could still be out there."

Sulu removed Jim's jacket and placed it on a chair. "Out there is a big place." His gripped tightened on the back of the chair. "It's been seven months, Uhura. We…have to move on."

Uhura blinked away tears. "He can't," she said, her voice tight.

It was hard. Nothing was the same. Jim appears to be trying to drink himself to death and he wouldn't let anyone in. Won't talk to anyone. He was lucky he was still a part of Starfleet with the rate he's going. That's mostly thanks to the help of Spock and Pike.

Sulu looked down at Jim.

"Find Spock and bring him here, this has to end."


	3. Awake Into This Nightmare

_Awake from your dreams. _  
_Welcome to reality._

* * *

It was silent.

Dead silent.

Leonard opened his eyes to the still world. He found himself in his quarters.

Wait…

That was wrong.

He sat up and rubbed his head and looked around.

Something was wrong.

He tried to think through the fog that plagued his mind.

He was on an away mission with Jim and Spock, Chekov was there too.

He couldn't…

The attempt to retrieve any more memories was cut off by the sharp pain that rippled in his abdomen.

Leonard curled over and groaned. After a few minutes the pain passed and he took a few deep breaths before he looked up again.

He was in a room with just a bed. No windows, no door, nothing. Just him and a bed. He threw the sheets off and noted that he only had on a simple pair of pants.

"Hello?" He said to the emptiness. He stood up and got a sudden chill and the sensation that he was wet. He rubbed his arms and he began to feel his heart beat fast against his chest.

_….-kin-…-sed-…-on-…._

Leonard held his breath.

_Ca-…..-verd-…..-gerou-…._

Voices.

He could hear voices.

"Hello?" he said a little louder than before, a hint of panic in his voice. What was going on? Where was he?

_Wake h-…we'll…ta-…out…-ith…fever._

_…far…long an-…ay…_

The words were beginning to become clear for Leonard.

Fever? Was someone sick?

"Anyone?" he tried one last time.

_Leonard? _

His head snapped up.

_Time to wake up. _

Wake up?

The chill he felt before graced him again and he immediately felt like he's been dunked in a tank of water.

And that's exactly where he found himself.

His eyes shot open, but weren't they already open? He couldn't even tell anyone what he saw because he didn't even know. He just knew he was in water, or at least a liquid of some kind and something was on his face. He figured it was helping him breath.

His breath quickened as he tried to figure out what was beyond the glass he faced.

_Easy Leonard. _A voice in his ear said.

The blurry body of a woman entered his vision; her hand lay on the glass keeping him encased in the liquid.

_Just take deep breaths and relax. _

He did, it was all he could do. He didn't know what was going on, he was scared and felt detached from his body. Hell, was it even still there?

Jim.

Where was Jim?

He felt himself slipping away again.

He awoke again in a bed. He groaned and turned his head, squinting as his eyes attempted to adjust to the light. When his vision finally cleared he found himself in a large room, possibly the size of a football field, maybe more. However, his bed was up against the wall contained behind glass. He tried to sit up slowly, but a sharp pain in his abdomen and the tugging on his arms stopped him and he lay back down. He took steady breaths until the pain subsided. He looked down only now realizing he was shirtless. He had bandages running across his stomach and numerous tubes running from both his arms.

"Wha.."

Leonard felt a buzzing in his head as he tried to catch up with his situation. Where the hell was he? How did he even get here? His head was foggy, he couldn't remember anything clearly. There were images though, of various planets and species. None of which he recognized. He looked around and noticed he wasn't the only one here.

There were others.

They lined the wall, encased in glass boxes just like him.

He noticed the Orions right away, but there were other humans, too, along with a few Vulcans as well. They were all asleep. What was this place?

He looked up and noticed holes in the glass. Air holes. He let out a breathy laugh; they were being kept like animals. Or worse. He tilted his head back a little more and noticed what looked like a closed off vent. It was round and shut tight. He shrugged it off, too small to fit through anyway. He didn't know what to do so he just laid there. There wasn't much he could do. His heart was hammering against his chest, he felt nauseous and the beginnings of a headache creeping up on him.

His thoughts wandered to Jim. But he wasn't allowed to linger on them as large doors to his right slid open. A woman walked in. She was middle aged, her black hair pulled back into a tight ponytail. She was wearing all white.

Leonard knew immediately what she was.

It was always white.

When she met eyes with Leonard she smiled at him. She stopped just outside his glass container. She drew out a stylus from her pocket and swiped it across the glass. There was a beep and then a portion of the glass, just big enough for a doorway, began to descend into the floor.

"How are you feeling Leonard?" she asked, the smile remaining on her face.

"Where am I?" It was time to get answers, but he just knew he wasn't or at least not all of them.

"Let's see how you're doing first," she said simply. She pressed a button on the wall behind him and something beeped. "Fever went down, seems you're in the clear."

Leonard narrowed his eyes. "Who are you?" he tried.

She smiled at him. "My name is Dr. Karter."

Leonard waited for more but she just looked back up at the wall behind him. Leonard assumed it must be similar to the biobeds back on the Enterprise.

"Well, Doctor, I'd like you to tell me what the hell's going on," he sat up, groaning a bit as it put strain on his stomach and tugged on his arms again, but sat up nonetheless.

She eyed him up and down.

"You're in a research facility; you have been for seven months now. To save you a question, we kept you in a high advanced solution we developed to keep you in a stasis as we studied you."

Leonard felt as if he had been punched in the face. He barely heard that last part because he was still reeling on the fact he's been here seven months.

Seven fucking months.

He closed his eyes; the lights were beginning to hurt his head.

"Studied me?"

"We ran tests of a new neurological drug we're developing. You're readings were off the chart actually, so if you can remember anything you experienced that would be great. Many don't recall what they experienced which is a problem we're trying to work out but it's been diff—"

"Stop!" Leonard burst out. "Stop, just stop."

She silenced. "Leonard…"

"How did I end up here?" Fear was beginning to creep up on him. Where was his crew? Jim wouldn't leave him here for so long. So that could only mean two things.

Jim, and possibly his entire crew, was dead.

Or Jim thought he was dead.

"We snatched you up with our transporter. Don't worry; we left the rest of your crew alone. You appeared on our scans with…interesting readings. Of course that hybrid of a Vulcan was interesting too."

Leonard's head snapped up at the mention of Spock. The face on this women has changed, she came in looking relatively harmless, but the more she spoke the more her demeanor changed. Leonard could see it clearly in her face. She walked around to the foot of the bed.

"To stay concealed we were only able to choose one."

A smirk appeared on her face.

"And how can I pass up a human male carrier?"

Leonard could feel the color drain from his face. Then something clicked.

He looked down towards his stomach, where he was bandaged and a dull ache pulsed.

In a small, fearful voice, he asked, "What did you do?"

The smirk never left her face.

"Tests."

Leonard looked back up at her.

"Unfortunately tests, that looked so promising, but ended up not surviving, which is why we had to wake you up."

Leonard was scared to ask but he did, "What happened?"

"Miscarriage, which seems to be the cause of the fever strangely. We're still working on figuring that one out."

Leonard felt the room beginning to spin around him. This wasn't happening. This was all just a sick dream right? Sure as hell felt like one.

"Don't worry; it was probably for the best." There was venom to her voice. "Though, a half-Klingon human would have been quite interesting to study."

Leonard wanted to be sick.

"But now that you're awake…" Leonard looked up when the pause seemed to drag on. He felt like he was looking at a completely different person from the women who called herself Dr. Karter just minutes ago. She continued when they met eyes.

"We can take a more_ direct_ approach."


	4. A Talk and Progress

_Lost hope renewed._

* * *

Jim sat on the edge of his bed, Spock across from him in a chair. Silence filled the air as Jim stared at the floor; he could feel Spock's eyes on him as he tried to take steady breaths.

"We were plan-…" Jim tries. He really does, but when his eyes fall on his silver band he chokes up. He looks up at Spock and swears he sees just a hint of something in those dark eyes.

"Do you believe he is alive?"

Jim lets out a hollow laugh and stands up. He turns away from Spock and looks out the window.

"He wasn't feeling good." Jim said as he leaned his forehead against the glass. "He asked to come along. Believe that? Bones _asked_ to come along. Get some fresh air, solid ground beneath his feet; he thought it might help him feel a little better."

"Jim—"

"I should've said no, a planet we know nothing about…" Jim whipped a tear from his eye before it can stain his cheeks again.

Spock stood and walked over to Jim.

"Do you believe he is alive?"

Jim looked at Spock in the reflection of the glass.

"Seven months Spock," he turned to look the Vulcan in the eyes. "What's the logical answer?"

Elsewhere, one Scotsman was lying on his bed and a young Russian was staring blankly at a screen. He was beginning to nod off. The teen wonder how much longer Mr. Spock was going to have them monitor the probes, it's been seven months and there has been nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Until now.

The beeping was like a shot of adrenaline. Chekov's head shot up and Scotty was behind him in an instant.

There it was.

The proof they needed.

The two looked at each other, not believing their eyes.

Both immediately scrambled for their communicators.

Leonard was startled awake by a loud sound. He noticed that the lighting in the room was different and there was a strong buzzing noise. Generators. The facility must have lost power.

Leonard just closed his eyes and allowed the buzzing of the generator to lull him to sleep.

He dreams of drowning.


	5. Returning What is Dear and Poisoning

_Give it to me._

_This piece of home._

* * *

Leonard doesn't know how long he sleeps. He begins to notice he hasn't been hungry or even thirsty for that matter. God only knows what they're pumping into his bloodstream. He just always feels tired and the simple task of moving onto his side is strenuous. Different people come in and out of his "room." He hears screams in the distant. His fellow subjects don't do much. They're all probably on the same body numbing drugs.

Then there are the scientists and doctors. They fiddle with IV's and write things down on PADD's. He hasn't seen the women named Karter in a few days.

Well, what he assumed was a few days. His sense of time has been messed up since he woke up, which he's been doing a lot of lately. He figures he only sleeps for a few hours at a time, never more than four, never knowing if it's day or night.

He flexes his hands. It's then he realizes what's missing. He sat up with renewed strength and stared at his left hand.

His ring.

His ring was gone.

Leonard didn't know what he was feeling. Panic, anger, fear, depression? A mixture of every negative emotion he can conjure up.

He gripped the IV's and yanked them out, ignoring the sting that cut through his arms. Immediately alarms went off in his little box but he ignored them. He threw the sheets off of him and swung his legs over the bed, his feet making contact with the cold metallic floor. He took a breath as dizziness overcame him. As he stood, he swayed, but the adrenaline was pumping strong and he gained his footing. He walked to where the so-called door was and laid his hand against it.

Solid glass, and from what he could tell it was thick.

"I'm done playing this game!" He said over the sound of the alarm blaring behind him. Leonard could see the younger doctors, the lackeys he personally dubbed them, beginning to scurry over. One girl, she looked around Jim's age, approached the glass.

"Please, sir, get back in your bed," she said. Leonard could tell she wouldn't do much, there was no authority in her voice, she wasn't an enforcer.

"Let me out, right now," he said in a stern voice. He could feel his body beginning to ache, especially his stomach, where they cut him open. He pushed that thought down. He could feel hunger beyond that pain returning and his mouth started to feel dry. He was right that whatever drugs they were giving him apparently worked in those ways.

"Sir, I can't do that, please get back in bed."

Leonard could practically hear the timid in her voice.

"Then get me someone who can."

The young girl was about to say more but was interrupted.

"Dr. Stel, that's alright, I'll take it from here," Karter placed a hand on the young girl's shoulder and smiled. She nodded and quickly scurried away.

Karter placed her stylus upon the glass and the alarms quieted. Leonard noticed a small crowd had gathered but Karter quickly dismissed them and told them to resume their duties.

"You must be in pain," she said.

Leonard ignored her. "Let me out. I don't want to be a part of this. Just throw me out your doors onto the planet, I don't care. Just let me go, now."

"You talk like you have power, authority. Let me tell you something Leonard, you are no one. You are nothing anymore but one of our subjects. You are subject seventeen."

Her words cut through him like ice. He could hear the venom in her voice and knew that no matter how much he yelled or fought or struggled, he would never win. That wouldn't stop him from making their jobs difficult though.

He had been defeated before he could even fight.

He looked away from her.

"At least…give me back my ring."

Karter watched him for a few seconds before she fished into her pocket.

"I figured you'd ask about this sometime. Objects as personal as this always find their way back to the front of our minds," she pulled forth Leonard's silver band. Holding it up, she examined it.

"It's quite a beautiful make, along with the inscription," she read it aloud. "_Enterprise_. James T. Kirk, they mean a lot to you."

A statement.

She ran her stylus along the glass and an opening just big enough for a hand to fit appeared.

Leonard waited before he reached out, palm up. She placed the warm metal in his hand and he quickly withdrew, the glass closing right behind.

"Get back bed. Someone will be in shortly to clean you up, patch up your arms, and reinsert the IVs."

It was only then that Leonard noticed the blood dripping down his arms. He watched as it stained his arm red in streaks and dripped into a small puddle onto the floor. He was still alive, he was still someone. These people wouldn't change that, he won't allow them.

"They'll find me," he said in a quiet voice to the retreating form of Karter. She stopped and turned back to him.

"Do you really believe after seven months they're still looking? That your precious _Enterprise _and James T. Kirk are up in the stars search for you?"

_No _"Yes." Part of Leonard didn't want it. Because if it was true that meant Jim was looking for seven months with no luck. That he hasn't moved on in his life and was trapped in the past. He could only imagine what the kid was going through. Plus, the Federation would never allow it, wasting time looking for one officer that was easily replaceable. Leonard knew it was a long shot, but deep down there was a flutter of hope that he just might make it out of here alive.

Karter smirked.

"They're wasting their time then; our facilities are heavily shielded that not even a Federation Starship can detect us."

A little light flickered in Leonard's head.

"Only when your shields are down."

It was his statement.

A statement that caused the fucking smirk on her face to twitch.

Leonard just smiled.

"You should rest. Tomorrow we begin a new experiment on you and I'd like you to be awake for this one, unlike there others," Karter said as she turned away and left.

The smile fell from Leonard's face. He went back to his bed and sat down. He twirled the ring between his fingers before placing it on his ring finger. He was glad he was allowed this much at least, to have a piece of the _Enterprise _with him, a piece of Jim.

His heart aches and longs for Jim. His breath hitched and tears began to stream down his face. He heard the glass shift and footsteps approaching. Leonard didn't look up from his ring.

"I'm here to clean you up," a young man's voice said.

Leonard simply held up his arms and let the man do his job.

A few hours later Leonard was moved for the first time, consciously at least. His drugs staying behind causing the ache of hunger and thirst to return, he was placed on a gurney and lead through the large doors in which everyone came and went. It leads into a long hallway with doors lining the walls. He wasn't brought far before they turned and one of the doors slide open, allowing them to enter.

Inside he saw there were two rooms separated by glass.

These people liked their glass.

One room had a desk with computers and there were already a couple of doctors inside. The other room held a single examine table. Leonard saw no tools that they can poke and prod him with.

Suddenly the words Karter spoke to him when he first gained full consciousness came back. With how now they can take a more _direct _approach.

Leonard's heart began to hammer against his chest.

He put up a useless struggle due to the drugs that still traced his system. Forced upon the table on his back, his wrists and arms were strapped down and he was stripped of his single piece of clothing.

Karter came in and Leonard wanted to kick out at her but his legs currently felt like lead.

She began to remove the bandages that had been wrapped around his abdomen since he had awoken.

"You healed beautifully," she said. Leonard could see a faded line where they had cut into him before she traced it with her finger. He was still a bit sore and the notion sent chills up his spine. "Hopefully we won't have to cut you open again. Though it is one of my favorite pass times, cutting things open."

Leonard said nothing.

"Subject Seventeen," the venom that Leonard has grown accustom to when she spoke to him, left her voice and was replaced with a professional one. "We are attempting a successful fertilization within a Human Male Carrier via human male."

Then she left.

Leonard was left alone for maybe thirty seconds before a man, also completely naked, entered.

Leonard's breath hitched as the man approached him. Leonard could see the he had a glazed over look in his eyes and clearly didn't know what was going on.

However, he knew what he had to do.

He threw himself on Leonard, who let out a yelp and the sudden movement. The man's hands tracing over Leonard's body, and soon gripping his sore arms tightly.

"You don't have to do this," Leonard said as the man began nipping his neck. "Please, you don't have to do this."

The man lifted his head and looked Leonard in the eyes.

He was far gone.

Whatever Leonard said would never reach him.

"Please," a tear slide down the side of Leonard's face. "Please, don't."

His words fell on deaf ears.

The room soon filled with his cries.


	6. Get Me There Yesterday

_Too slow._

_Too long. _

* * *

It would take 2 weeks to get there.

To get to that fucking planet.

Jim let out an aggravated sigh as he stood up and paced.

Two more weeks Bones had to be left alone.

Subjected to who knows what.

It's been over seven months already.

Two more weeks was just too much longer.

If Bones was even alive.

No.

He told himself he wouldn't think like that.

Bones was there on that planet waiting for him.

Along with someone else.

Someone using high powered energy.

It was there for only a moment, but that was long enough to get the readings they needed.

Someone was down there.

And they were doing a damn hard job in keeping themselves concealed.

Jim was ready to go in there guns blazing if need be.

There was a knock at his door.

He hesitated, which earned him the identification of his visitor.

"Keptin?" A small voice said.

Jim relaxed as he called out to Chekov to enter.

"You know I'm not the Captain right now Mr. Chekov," he stated.

"Ah, yes, I am sorry, sir."

Jim watched the young boy and asked in a gently voice, "What can I do for you Pavel?"

"I wish to accompany you down to the planet."

That's what Jim thought.

"Pavel," Jim went over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "It's not your fault. What happened was no one's fault."

"No, I was with him, you said stay close with your partner, we were on an unknown planet and I wandered off and away from Doctor McCoy and perhaps if I stayed with him he wouldn't have disappeared and maybe I could have stopped it…" the boy ranted.

"Chekov, Chekov, hey Pavel, it's okay, it's okay," Jim said as the boy began to go off in Russian and tears began to stream down his face. Jim pulled him into a hug and allowed the young ensign to cry into his chest.

He's been waiting for this.

He knew all this time the kid has been blaming himself, but he was too wrapped up in his own horrors to ever be in the right mindset to confront and reassure the boy. He had learned that his crew has been keeping a close eye on Chekov, specially Sulu and Scotty. They made sure he was getting by, but he never opened up to anyone.

Until now.

"Everything's going to be okay, we're going to find Doctor McCoy and everything will be just like it was."

The lie burned on Jim's tongue.

Nothing could ever go back to how it was.

Chekov calmed down in a couple of minutes and pulled away from Jim, rubbing his eyes.

"I am sorry," he said.

"Don't be. Now, go get yourself cleaned up, I'm sure they're missing you on the bridge."

"Aye, Keptin," Chekov said as he rubbed his eyes one last time, gave Jim a small, sad smile and left.

Jim sat down on the edge of his bed and placed his head in his hands.

He allowed his own tears to flow freely.


	7. Waiting with Memories

_They've scarred me._

_I just want to go home._

* * *

They took him off the drugs.

This meant he felt every ache and pain that coursed through his body.

It also meant he had to eat.

Luckily, only for one still.

Their _experiment _didn't go as they hoped and Leonard had failed to conceive that drugged up man's child.

It's been a week since the experiment and three days since they notified him of the results.

They haven't bothered him since.

They only came around to deliver food and, since he was off the drugs and bed rest, give him trips to the bathroom. It made him feel like a dog getting taken out for a walk.

His strength was returning slowly and he did his best to exercise. He stuck to simple yoga moves for now, it passed the time, too.

Other than staring at his fellow comatose neighbors and exercising, there was nothing to do. He fiddled with his ring often and took to staring into space. This often led to him dozing off.

He tried to wrap his head around the situation he was in and found only questions.

How a facility was this large kept hidden?

Why were they hiding?

Who was in charge?

Where was their funding coming from?

What was this facility?

Leonard took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. Whenever he thought about all of this he begins to get worked up.

He took a few more breaths then stared up at the three holes cut out of the ceiling in his glass case.

He wondered where Jim was. What he was doing. If he was okay. If he had accepted his lost and moved on. He hoped the _Enterprise_ was traveling and exploring space like she should be. Discovering brilliant new planets and stars and whatever else space has to offer.

Then again that exploring is what landed him here.

Leonard turned his back to the other subjects that occupied the room. He brought his left arm up and examined the inner part.

Bold dark print had been inked there.

**XVII **

They had done it that morning, red inflammation remained around the edges and it burned and pinched him.

_"Just a little something to remind you." _

That's what she had said.

Leonard tucked the arm underneath him; ignoring the pain the pressure caused and closed his eyes.

He drifted off to sleep and dreamt of Jim.

When they got engaged, how they both were going to ask each other. Leonard had beaten him to the punch though and asked first. That was a great night. The sex was great that night too.

He dreams of when Pike married them in his office. It was meant to be quiet and quick, but that didn't stop the crew of the _Enterprise _throwing a small party in the mess when they went on their way again. Of course the higher ups of Starfleet were informed of it. It was protocol. Leonard was more than happy when they just stated the basics to them and practically turned a blind eye towards their relationship. Leonard feels he has Pike to thank for that.

He dreams of their shore leave, which Jim conveniently dubbed their honeymoon. It was actually a peaceful and quite enjoyable time of just them lounging and relaxing together. That is until he got back on the ship and had to treat about four dozen cases of an alien poison ivy, including himself and Jim. He'd never forget Spock on that day.

He dreams of the nights they spend together when their shift hours allow them.

He dreams of Jim on top of him, running his hands along his body, kissing his neck.

He dreams of a painful grip on his arms, a feeling of entrapment. The weight of someone overpowering him, the panic begins to well in his chest.

He dreams of piercing orange eyes.

He dreams of screaming.

Leonard jolts awake, covered in sweat. His breath is coming out in harsh gasps as his mind begins to register where he is after the rude awaking. He slowly calms his breathing as he begins to take note of the sound of screams.

A few cases down from his a group of doctors are rushing into where someone screaming their throat raw. Leonard can't make out what species was in such distress, but whatever is happening, it's not good.

The screams suddenly caught off, making the silence seem even louder to Leonard. He watched as there was no movement inside the case. The doctors soon began to move slowly, unhooking and turning off devices.

Leonard turned away and brought his covers up to his chin and went to sleep.

The days dragged on.

They'd draw blood.

Run basic physical tests.

Nothing extraordinary.

Leonard felt himself slipping.

He wasn't like Jim, he wasn't a fighter.

He had lost so much time.

How could he ever go back?

How can things ever go back to the way they had been?

He wanted to start over with Jim. He thought that he might have been able to but it seems the universe had other ideas for him. It always did. Whenever he thought he'd finally found happiness it was ripped away from him by the cold and cruel hands of the world.

He wondered if he would die.

He's heard about people dying by simply giving up on life.

By having no hope.

Having nothing to live for.

He didn't have any hope left.

But did that mean he didn't have anything to live for?

There was Jim.

There was always Jim.

However, he didn't even know if Jim was alive.

Even if Jim was alive, found him, saved him, how could he ever want him?

He was tampered with, abused, damaged, and soiled.

He felt disgusting inside and out.

How could Jim ever want him to bear his child now?

Leonard pulled himself into the tightest ball he could, despite the pain that coursed through his body. Tears streamed down his face and he cried out in pain. He didn't care who heard him, all his fellow subjects were comatose anyway. He wished he had never woken up. He would rather live out the rest of his days submitting to some alien king believing he saved his family then be here.

He paused.

He remembered.

Keiuuk.

He remembered the planet, the Kei people there, what had happened.

Why was he remembering it now?

Was that even a real planet and race?

He groaned as a headache began to quickly settle in. He felt something dripping down his face and it wasn't his tears. He reached up and whipped his nose.

Blood.

"Fuck," he muttered. The pain in his head grew. He sat up slowly, holding his head in his hands.

He squeezed his eyes shut and groaned again as the pain continued to grow.

"Somebody?" he said.

It felt as if his head would either spilt open or explode.

Images and sounds he couldn't make out began to flash by.

"Anybody?"

He waited for the moment he would finally pass out from the pain itself.

It wasn't until an alarm sounded that he finally entered the blissful state of unconsciousness.


	8. Reclaiming Who Was Taken

_No mercy to spare_

_Give him back_

* * *

Jim was running on auto. He felt he was just a passenger in a car watching the scenery pass by him. He barely listened as Spock explained the story and plan. How he ordered probes to be placed in the space between here and Earth. How they would pick up even the slightest about of artificial power being used down on the planet blah blah blah.

He knew Pike was watching him carefully and he didn't care.

In fact, Jim Kirk could care less about the hows and whys. Not at this point.

Spock made sure to exclude Jim from having to do anything important towards the success of this mission. Which was fine with him, he had one goal and one goal only. Anyone else can handle whatever else there is to do.

Which apparently is dealing with these bulky machines that screw with power or something.

Once again, Jim wasn't paying attention.

They beamed down to where the power emitted from.

They were right on the edge of a lake.

Red shirts and Spock did things with those machines.

There was a loud screech then a pop as a hatch appeared on the ground.

Security guards went in first, but Jim followed Spock in not far behind.

The white blinded him.

The lack of personal and security concerned them but they kept moving forward.

It was when they passed the first doors where they met company.

Two large doors slid open to reveal a large, high ceiling room.

The walls were lined with glass cases, each looking like a patient's room in a hospital with a bed, screens and machines.

And each, as far as he could see, had an occupant.

Men and women, young and old, wearing white lab coats walked between and in and out of these glass rooms.

It was a few seconds before anyone noticed the team of Starfleet officers and even when they did everything went still and there was silence.

The drop of the clipboard set everything in motion.

People shouted, people ran. Someone must've hit something because an alarm blared to life.

Phasers, set to stun, began firing and bodies began to hit the floor.

Jim got close enough to one of the white coats and tackled a young man to the ground.

Flipping the guy over, Jim didn't even have a chance to ask a question before he heard a snap and the man began convulsing and foaming at the mouth.

Spock came up behind Jim and they glanced at each other.

Not all the bodies were dropping from getting hit by a stun.

Jim heard his title being called over further down the room. The alarm still blared but the frantic scurry of people had stopped.

Bodies littered the floor of dead or stunned people.

Jim didn't know if anyone made it out.

One of his security officers was calling him over to one of the glass rooms.

When he finally got there his heart dropped.

Due to joy and horror.

Leonard McCoy, his Bones, laid there, blood smeared on his face and hands.

But he was alive.

Jim began to bang on the glass. Tried to wake his unconscious husband.

A sudden bang sounded and startled Jim.

He noted what looked like a vent above Leonard's bed, began to slide open.

Almost immediately water began to rush in.

Leonard has been rudely awakened many times in his life, but the rush of water slamming hard onto his face definitely topped the list. He jolted awake and shot up, a coughing fit racking his pain filled body. Between the alarm, the banging and the water rushing in he was almost certain his head would split in two.

At least the alarm and water were a consistence sound. That banging was sporadic and most annoying. He looked up to find the source of it.

It was the gold he saw first.

His eyes traveled up.

Starfleet Command insignia.

Black uniform undershirt.

Lips he would kiss every night.

Eyes that only showed him the true nature of the soul they belonged to.

Jim.

He was looking at Jim.

Jim.

His Jim.

He didn't know how he got to the glass.

He didn't know when he started crying.

He didn't know when he collapsed to his knees, causing the water to be up to his chest.

He didn't know how they opened up his cage just when the water had reached his neck.

He didn't know.

He didn't care.

All he knew was that he was in Jim's arms.

That's all that mattered.


	9. Reconnect These Hearts

_Go from point A to B_

_I'll guild you along the way_

* * *

"Thanks," Jim said to the two nurses who finally decided to bring and set up a cot for him to sleep on. Guess the limit to trying to kick someone out of a patient's room is ten days before they say "fuck it" and decided if they didn't want a patient with back problems due to sleeping in their chairs, they gave him a bed. Unfortunately it was set up a bit further then the chair to give the doctor's room when they came in and checked over their patient.

Jim sat on the edge of the cot and watched the chest of the man he loved rise and fall. He sighed and rubbed his face. It was rough, he hasn't shaved in days.

"Jim?" the voice of his First Officer sounded from the door.

"Spock? What are you doing here, it's late," Jim said as he rubbed his eyes. "Has there been news."

"Afraid not," Spock said as he stepped into the room, glancing at Leonard. His usual stoic face softened with concern leaking through. Something Spock would only allow in Jim's, Uhura, and on occasion, Leonard's presence.

"Go home, Jim."

The Captain of the _Enterprise _let out a humorless laugh. "But look at this comfy bed they were so kind to give me."

"Jim…"

"If he wakes up and I'm not here…"

"If he wakes up and sees that beard…"

Silence filled the room with the exception of the soft hums of machinery.

Jim couldn't help a small smile grace his face. He stood up and placed a gentle kiss on Leonard's forehead, careful to avoid any wires.

"Do we need a repeat of-"

He turned to Spock, holding up a hand. "If he so much as twitches…"

"I will have Mr. Scott beam you to this location immediately."

Jim let out a laugh, placing a hand on Spock's shoulder. "Thank you, Spock."

A little hesitant, Jim finally left. Deep down Spock knew Jim wanted to get out of there, his heart didn't want the space, but his sanity needed it. He also knew Jim didn't want to be nerve pinched like he had been when they first brought Leonard here. That was a loud and hectic day with lots of cursing. Spock occupied the seat near the bed, looking over the CMO. He simply looked like he was sleeping peacefully, and Spock could only hope he was. He brought from behind his back a folder. He was glad Jim hadn't noticed.

"I have stolen something," Spock said to the still form. Perhaps it was illogical to talk to Leonard, from the lack of action, that wasn't usual, from his brain waves it was clear he wasn't hearing anything Spock was saying.

Spock just felt the need to.

Perhaps it was his human side tearing through.

It's been doing that a lot recently.

"It is your file," he gripped the folder tighter, the edges bending. It was something Spock wasn't used to feeling in his hands. Paper and pen isn't commonly used anymore, though that facility had been anything but common. "Dr. Karter had it on her when we apprehended her."

Spock looked away from Leonard. "I could not help but read it. What they did to you…what has happened to you…"

This made him recall the treacherous trip back to Earth.

Leonard was in and out of consciousness for the first week of the trip. Some days he was catatonic, other days his screams would echo along the hallways from sickbay. Spock felt that Leonard never really knew where he was. Even when Jim was around it seemed to just make him more confused. It was just too much of a shock. Leonard's crew in sickbay was doing their best to keep him comfortable until they made it back to Earth where he can receive optimum treatment. It was hard on all of them, this was their boss, a man they looked up to, learned from.

However, it was on the last day he was conscious that kept Spock up at night.

He doesn't know how Leonard had gotten out of sickbay and into a turbolift with no one seeing him, or even how he got the scalpel.

It just had to be luck.

He made the right moves at the right time.

The smell of blood hit his senses first.

Then the sight of red.

The sound of crying

The taste of bile.

Finally, after falling to his knees, the feel of a slick, wet, warmth.

How Leonard was even conscious with this much blood loss, even Spock couldn't figure it out. Spock immediately removed his tunic and wrapped it tightly around where the blood was gushing from.

His left arm, where they had marked him.

Spock could barely hear the first words he spoke since they had retrieved him.

"I'm Leonard," he said.

They locked eyes.

"I'm Leonard?" It was a question this time.

Spock lifted the fading man into his arms. "Yes, you are Leonard McCoy, Chief Medical Officer of the Starship _Enterprise, _married to James T. Kirk, Captain of the same ship."

Spock could feel the blood soaking into his undershirt, leaving a trail behind him as he rushed to sickbay.

"Jim," Leonard said in a hushed tone. "I want Jim."

That was the last thing he said.

He hasn't regained consciousness since then.

And Jim hasn't left his side since then.

Until tonight.

"What should I do?" He looked up at Leonard's sleeping form. "Do I protect Jim from the horrors of the truth? Or should he know?"

The hum of the machines was loud in the silent hospital.

"What would you want? Tell me what you want Leonard?"

No answer came.

Jim came a couple hours later, still looking tired but refreshed. Spock stood, careful to hide the file, and bid Jim a good night.

He left leaving Jim oblivious to his inner turmoil.

Then again…

Everyone was suffering in some way.

With the _Enterprise _currently out of commission (again), her crew was Earth bound (again) for the time being. Land beneath the crew's feet was becoming a habit many weren't enjoying, but they understood the circumstances.

"We should get out," Sulu stated without removing his gaze from the plant he was staring at.

He, Chekov, Scotty, and Uhura were all sitting in the lobby of the Starfleet apartments they were currently all housing in.

"I can use a drink. Or five," Scotty said.

"Iz late," Chekov stood up. "I think I'll head to bed."

"What's the point, you can't sleep anyway," was Sulu's sharp response.

"Sulu…" Uhura whispered.

Chekov didn't move he just stood there looking down.

"When was the last time any of you slept? Fuck, you can even see shadows under Spock's eyes and he's a Vulcan."

"Half," mumbled Scotty.

"There's nothing we can do Sulu," said Uhura. Sulu was right about Spock. In fact she hasn't even seen him much in the past few days. It felt as if he was…avoiding her.

"That's what pisses me off, it was the same when Jim-" Sulu stopped. Nobody liked to talk about when Jim died.

"I'm going to bed." With that Chekov left.

"Guess I'll go too, don want the boy wakin' up alone from a nigh'mare if he does," Scotty stood up and followed the young ensign.

Uhura and Sulu sat in silence.

"You weren't there," he said suddenly.

"And you weren't there when Jim died, I was. So, don't go talking about nightmares and shit-"

"I was with Jim when Spock brought McCoy into sickbay that day."

Oh.

That day.

The day Spock returned to their room.

Covered in blood.

The day Spock let all his walls crumble.

The day he cried in her arms.

She turned away from Sulu, an odd sensation that he could suddenly read her mind. She vowed never to tell anyone of that.

Sulu continued. "We've all heard his screams. That keeps us all up for a night or two, but to see…there was so much blood. He was so pale and wasn't moving," Sulu leaned forward onto his knees, burying his face in his hands. "Jim didn't spend those remaining days by McCoy's bedside; he spent them in a bed. Well, technically he was still beside him."

This was news to Uhura.

"He went into shock. I suppose that was also his limit, from lack of sleep, mental exhaustion. I'm pretty sure he hadn't eaten for days either."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I had never seen Spock so afraid."

Uhura's eyes widened.

His walls were cracking before he even made it to their room.

"You need to know for Spock's sake. I don't know how your relationship works and I don't know if he'd tell you how he feels or what, but I felt you needed to know. For him to let emotion shine through the way he did that day, this is affecting him the way it's affecting all of us, half Vulcan or not."

He should only know, she thought.

They departed ways a few minutes later.

Uhura returned to her place to find something she didn't expect. Spock was curled up on her bed, fully clothed and fast asleep.

He actually looked peaceful. Uhura could only hope that, in this blissful unconsciousness that his mind was at peace. She removed her shoes and tossed them over by his and climbed on the bed next to him. She quickly fell into a dreamless sleep.

It was actually the first night many of the crew members slept peacefully in a long while.

Scotty had given Chekov a drink of something strong which knocked the kid out right away. Took a few more shots for him to doze off but once he did he was out like a light. Sulu drifted off fast and easy, perhaps finally telling someone what haunted him helped.

Even Jim snored lightly on the cot he barely fit on.

Only one soul of the _Enterprise _crew was up that night.

"You're awake," a deep but quiet voice said.

Leonard turned away from Jim and looked at the one occupying the chair to his left.

"Where is she, Admiral Pike?"

"Who?"

"Karter."

"Doctor Marie Karter is in Starfleet custody undergoing interrogation."

"I want to see her."

"Why?"

"She killed my child."


	10. Data Corruption

_You can hit restart_

_But you cannot overwrite this save_

* * *

Leonard was always a grumpy person, perhaps just seemingly unhappy all the time. It was Jim's first impression of him. This paranoid guy who just wanted to sit in the bathroom and got told off by a women half his height. Everyone knew of grumpy McCoy, from the Academy to the _Enterprise_.

That wasn't the McCoy Jim was looking at now.

What he was looking at, this was pure anger.

It was hatred and rage.

And it frightened Jim.

Another loud crash echoed through the hall of the hospital.

Jim flinched as the drawer slammed against the wall just inches from his face.

Glass and medical supplies littered the floor of Leonard's room.

"We should call the authorities," a young nurse said. This was obviously the first time she had seen a patient lash out violently.

"No," Pike said, "Captain Kirk will handle things."

"But, Admiral, the longer we wait the more dangerous it could ge-"

"Only Kirk could reach his husband now."

The young nurse still felt unsure about this, but turned back to the scene before her.

"You're protecting her!" Leonard shouted, his through raw from the days of silence. Jim could see the fatigue laced through his body, standing on shaking legs, only the adrenaline kept Leonard upright.

"Starfleet has her in custody and is interrogating her as we speak, along with the others we got in custody. There's nothing we can doing anymore, we have to leave it to them. We're going to find out everything," Jim said in a calm voice despite being shaken to the core.

"I don't care!" Another drawer was sent flying and crashed against a wall; the clatter of hypos filled the air.

"You don't…care?"

"Knowing anything about that place won't make a difference! I was a fucking lab rat, it happened; knowing any other information won't change any of that for me! She killed our child Jim! _Our child!_"

"I know, Bones, I know."

Jim didn't know. He hadn't even known Bones was pregnant. He really didn't even know if this was true or if it was something…made up in Leonard's head. He knew he had to be careful with his words and actions; he took slow steps forward, the glass sharp against his bare feet.

A sudden change in the atmosphere made Jim stop short and he noticed the blank look on Leonard's face.

"You need to know, don't you?" Leonard's voice was hoarse and Jim was barely able to hear him.

"Bones…"

"I'm dirty and used. Tainted and bruised. You need to know what stained scraps you're getting handed back."

Jim was losing focus. How could Leonard ever think that? Jim had to take a moment and breath and remember that Leonard isn't in his right mind. As harsh as that may sound it's true.

"I will always love you," he reached into his pocket. "Remember?"

Jim held up a silver ring.

He could see something click for Leonard, something register. He took a few more slow steps until he was standing right against his husband.

"Remember where it all began?" Jim took Leonard's left hand and slipped the ring on, just like he had done the day they proposed to each other.

"I'm broken, Jim."

"No, a little cracked, maybe," Jim lifted Leonard's head so the man was looking him in the eyes. "But I'm here and I'm going to mend you."

"There'll be scars."

"Everyone has scars. You saved me, now it's my turn to save you."

Tears formed and fell from Leonard's eyes and he leaned his body into Jim's, dragging them both down to the ground. After a few minutes the medical team finally moved in to do their part.

After Leonard was settled into a new room and fast asleep (thanks to sedatives) Jim went to the roof of the hospital. He just needed some fresh air to help calm his nerves and settle his own mind. He looked out upon the night sky and the lights shining off the city. It was a beautiful site in this chapter of turmoil his life was currently going through.

He didn't know what was going to happen from this point onwards. What would happen to him and Leonard concerning the_ Enterprise. _

Whatever happened he'd take the path with his husband, even if that meant giving up his beloved ship and space travel.

Leonard meant more to him than any of those things.

"Captain?"

Jim turned to the call of his title and smiled a tired smile.

"What can I do for you Lieutenant?"

Uhura walked up beside Jim and looked out at the skyline. "Wanted to see how things were," she turned to him. "How you were."

There was no use lying to his communication officer.

"I'm tired. Upset and terrified."

She nodded.

"But hopeful."

"Things might not be able to go to how they were but that doesn't mean they can't get better," she said.

"Yeah and don't think I've forgotten about you. Or the crew."

"Captain?"

"I know it's been all about me and Bones, but I know my crew went through a lot. I'm going to fix everything. I'm going to make everything better."

Uhura saw the determination through the weary look on his face and smiled.

"Just know you're not alone with that task, Jim."

He smiled back at her.

"Keiuuk."

Jim and Spock looked up from the PADD they were mulling over. Leonard sat by the window staring out at the busy skyline.

"What's that?" Jim asked.

"A planet," he looked down at his bandaged arm. "At least…what I thought was a planet."

He went silent after that.

Jim and Spock looked at each other.

A few minutes later after Spock left, he perked up again.

"I want to go home."

Jim didn't look up from the PADD. "You haven't been cleared yet."

"I'm fine."

"Mmmm."

"I'm sick of being in a fucking bed!"

Jim looked up.

"Well, right now you're in a chair."

"Fuck you."

Jim looked back down at his PADD. Jim didn't take of it personal. Leonard's been having these bouts of anger towards anyone and everyone. Yelling at doctors and nurses who would touch him just a bit too long, at Spock who just spoke as he always did in that tone of his and at Jim whenever no one else was around. Jim figured it was better than a silent drugged up heap in a bed (which he was for a few days after his outburst). He needed to see Leonard alive and moving.

"Which home?" Jim asked after fiddling with the PADD for a few minutes.

"_Enterprise_."

Jim nodded and stood up, handing the PADD to Leonard.

"Look over them carefully."

"What's this?"

"The only way you'll ever get cleared to serve on the _Enterprise_ again."


	11. Epilogue

_A wasted year_

_Let's begin again_

* * *

Leonard glanced out of the window of the shuttle. He has to say he's never been this happy to be in space. The sight of the _Enterprise_ made him realize that he never truly appreciated the great starship. She really was an amazing site and he was itching to set off away from everyone and everything.

"Leonard? Leonard did you hear me?" An English accented voice said.

He rolled his eyes at the youth beside him. No older then Spock, Dr. Basil Elliot, was a "mandatory" new crew member assigned to the _Enterprise_.

"What," he replied sharply. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't trying to scare the kid off.

"18:00 hours, is that good for our sessions?"

"Yeah, what day?"

"Every day," the boy said not looking up from the PADD he was working on, probably inputting their schedule. "I'm here for the whole crew, but you're my priority," he gave Leonard a smile.

Leonard groaned, leaning his head against the window. He chose the youth in hopes he could overpower and just ditch him completely once on the ship. However, the kid was proving he had a strong willpower by each passing second.

"Should've gone with the old chick," he mumbled as the shuttle finally arrived aboard the _Enterprise_. Dr. Elliot was quickly ushered away, needed for some final business somewhere.

Leonard stood alone in the middle of chaos as people shuffled and rushed around him to finish the final preparations for the _Enterprise._ Just as he was beginning to get flustered and felt the anxiety building he took a deep breath and made a quick escape. He walked the halls with his head down; he could just feel the eyes on him. He was cursing as he didn't even know where he was going but ended up in a sea of red.

It was loud, people were yelling and he was getting dizzy. He found a corner away from madness, sunk down and buried his face in his knees.

A few minutes passed before he felt a hand on his head and jerked up. He was met with beady black eyes.

It was Keenser.

And not far behind was Scotty.

"Ah, jeez. Thank God! Jim's freekin' out," Scotty was saying as he made his way over. "There was suppose tuh be someone to gather ya. Hav'in even set sail 'n he's fumin'," He held out his hand. "Come now, Doctor, let's get you out of ere."

Leonard gave Keenser a tight smile and reached out to grip Scotty's hand.

When the turbolift _swished _open, Scotty said, "'fraid this as far as I can take ya. Gotta be in engineering when we take off."

Leonard recognized that hall immediately, despite it looking like every other hall. "That's fine," he said as he stepped out. "Scotty," he turned back.

"Aye?"

"…thank you."

Scotty knew that those words were packed with much more meaning.

Scotty gave him a smile and nodded.

"We're all here for you," he said.

Leonard gave him a small smile as the turbolift slid shut and he was left alone in the hall. He walked a path that he hadn't in a year's time and came upon an all too familiar door. Punching in numbers that were second nature to him he entered the captain's quarters.

It was a mess.

The bed was unmade, clothes were strewn over almost all surfaces and PADDs were piled on the desk and floor.

The _Enterprise_ might've been out of commission but maintenance surely doesn't touch crew quarters during that time.

Leonard placed his bag down on the ground and walked over to the bed. He took off his boots and grabbed one of Jim's golden command tunics.

He buried his face in it and curled up onto the bed. The soft sounds of the _Enterprise _coming to life lulled him into a dreamless sleep.

It was dark in the room when he opened his eyes and he felt a body of warmth next to him. He rolled over and found Jim.

"Jim?" he said in a quiet voice.

The Captain cracked open an eye. He looked tired but he smiled. "Hey."

"Sorry about earlier, someone was supposed to take you here, guess the message got lost in the madness." His eye slid shut.

"It wasn't a problem, I still know my way around," Leonard didn't know if Jim knew about him ending up in engineering.

He probably did if the tight smile he's giving him now is any indication.

"Things will be okay," Jim yawned but opened his eyes and gave a reassuring smile.

Leonard looked into those tired, ocean blue eyes. There was hope and determination in them, something that he felt nothing of. They slid shut again.

"Yeah," he lied. He didn't believe it for a minute.

He was weak.

He caused Jim pain.

He couldn't protect their child.

He shouldn't be in this bed.

They should've never found him.

He should've died back at the facility.

He should've drowned in his glass case.

He should've bled out in the turbolift.

A hollow smile graced his face.

"Things will be okay."

The lie didn't taste as bitter as it should have.

**END OF TRIAL ONE**


End file.
